Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Spiritual Abuse

I am officially coming out as a survivor of spiritual abuse. For many years, I was in a spiritual abusive Church. It was a toxic environment -always expecting, demanding and demeaning others.

Spiritual abuse is quite common nowadays and it's unfortunate that many leaders choose to abuse other members using God as their justification. They think that they will never face the consequences but God is a God of justice. I am sure they will pay back for their actions one day.

Anyways, I am glad that I am out of that environment and will never EVER go back.

This is a letter I recently wrote to the elders denouncing this leader's action:

Dear elders in Hong Kong,

I am writing to express my deep disappointment towards VC. For many years, I dedicated a lot of time and effort towards building the Church by going to missionary trips (Fiji, South Africa, Madagascar), supporting the work in different University campuses in Vancouver and helping out in the music ministry. However, as time went on I found that VC abused her power as a leader and has built an environment of fear and intimidation in the Vancouver Church. 

· I personally shared about experiences to her. But then, she publically shamed me in front of brothers and sisters during meeting time by forcing me to share about my experiences. It was very humiliating.

· After my trip to Madagascar, I got sick from a stomach bacteria. I had to go back home to Central America. During that time, VC emailed me asking me if she could rent out my apartment and use that money. I told my parents and they were disgusted by her level of abuse. Why would the Church encourage this kind of behavior of taking advantage of the sick? She then asked me to delete that email and to never mention it again. 

·I took the decision to leave and cut all contact with the Church in Vancouver, but she continued emailing me. It’s called harassment. 

I would like to denounce her actions as detrimental and hurtful to others. I left Church because of the unhealthy environment and abusive leadership. I hope this will bring some corrective measures and a formal apology.



Saturday, August 27, 2016


I wrote this poem for my highschool bestfriend a while ago. 

(To the girl with wings)

Child of light. Your laughter infects
My heart, my mouth is turned upside down.
Naïve like a child. Purity untouched.
Yet not innocent. Tempest is aroused when
Your deepest feelings are hurt.
Sunflower, Heart of Gold,
How bold!
But weak, defenseless, vulnerable without the Sun.
Without God.
Sunflower, my dear. Cast your eyes to Christ,
Our Lord.

May 22nd 2006

Monday, August 22, 2016

Matthew 7:15-20

Be wary of false preachers who smile a lot, dripping with practiced sincerity. Chances are they are out to rip you off some way or other. Don’t be impressed with charisma; look for character. Who preachers are is the main thing, not what they say. A genuine leader will never exploit your emotions or your pocketbook. These diseased trees with their bad apples are going to be chopped down and burned.

Thursday, July 28, 2016


People wonder why I am not pursuing after money or settling down with marriage and kids. Truth is, beneath my quiet exterior I have a crazy adventurous soul who has preached the Gospel in gas stations in Fiji, helped out in a AIDS stricken slum in South Africa, taught and loved street children in Madagascar, organized a camp in Costa Rica, lead a missionary team to an orphanage in Honduras, played the violin at a Christian Symphony, hiked the mountains in Totonicapan, Guatemala to an indigenous village and now I am teaching at an International School in hopes of empowering young people, educating about social justice and having more crazy adventures with God. Someone today asked me if I wanted to volunteer today at a soup kitchen that helps prostitutes to dignity. My heart leapt. But then I remembered that I had a ton of planning to do...

I am not perfect. Far from it. I have a bad temper along with many shortcomings. Yet from my youth I learned the true value of compassion and service for the broken and those who Jesus love. I try my best to love.

The past few years I have experienced grave disappointments with religious leaders. I have been squandered for money while being sick after a missionary trip to Madagascar (which of course I refused and then she asked me to delete the email and not share it with others!), witnessed unjust acts of excommunicating members and abuses of power. Yet they won't stop me. Jesus warned us about the Pharisees and corrupt religious leaders during the latter days. I am thankful that I am out of that place and free to be myself.

The Gospel of Matthew and books by Brennan Manning have inspired me to this day. I hope that God may continue to use me wherever I go and that one day I may write spiritual books to heal and inspire others.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016


Aléjate de las personas que te hacen daño.

Sunday, July 17, 2016


My Summer trip has come to an end. Within 48 hours, it will be the start of a new page of my life. I am moving to Costa Rica for a full-time teaching position. And I am planning to stay there for three years or so. But before that happens, a candid reflection as of lately---

This trip ranged from taking a 5-hour road trip to Tofino talking about preaching styles amongst Evangelicals in El Salvador, discussing about representations of hyper feminity and hyper masculinity in our culture, kayaking in one of the pristine lakes in the Pacific Northwest, seeing one of my high school best friend after 3 years, touristing around Lamma Island, getting lost in the middle of the night in Hong Kong while drinking Black Sesame VitaSoy, getting a Lymphatic massage out of a groupon deal, rushing to the airport with my BFF, flying back to Vancouver, staying at a sketchy Air BnB place (which included Spiders, yikes!), bumping into YouTubers at the Richmond Night Market and catching up with a group of friends that were my support group during my post-college years while drinking a variety of Pale Ales and Hipster Beers in Olympic Village, Vancouver.

At some point, this trip reminded me of Pedro Paramo -a book we read back in the good ol' IB days. The book accounts of a character who revisits his past through his encounter of people from his past in Comala. The book is not written in chronological order, and it's like a puzzle for the reader to decipher Juan Preciado's life. And like this book, during this trip I revisited places and people from key moments of my past -a highschool friend, a college friend, an orchestra friend, church friends, etc. It was interesting to see how much I have changed, how people have change and how things have changed. There were moments when God spoke to my heart that helped me heal and let go of demons from the past. This trip provided closure.

And this trip also made me also reflect about the crazy multicultural life I l have, the awesome friendships God has given me over the years, my love for rich and deep intellectual conversations and the things I want out of life. And this is what I want - an open mind, a thirst for knowledge and newness, good relationships, an adventurous spirit and a zest for growth and life. 

A rebirth.

Viva la Vida.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016


There is something healing about spending time in nature in the company of a close friend.

Tofino was bliss.

Thursday, June 30, 2016


It was one starry night in the mountains of Pachuchup, Guatemala at the indigenous village that we were serving last year in which I found an answer that shed light into my heart. After much *itching and ranting, this phrase came from a complete stranger, whom I barely met a few days ago, hiked for three hours in the wilderness and shared a meal or two of tortilla, beans and chicken soup. This phrase was uttered with such an unapologetic grace and compassion enough to remind myself to forgive mine and other's vilest transgressions and that God's fierce and tender love engulfs our whole entire race.

"Because we are human."

Wednesday, June 29, 2016


Recently, I have been reading Frequency: The Power of Personal Vibration and it has given me powerful insights about life and relationships. Here are some realizations that has rummaged through my mind as I have been reading:

At every point in our lives, there is always a source of pain and a source of pleasure. There is always a challenge to teach us a lesson, and blessings to inspire us gratitude. These two forces are always present to propel us to continually transform and grow as human beings. 

The grass is never greener on the other side. The situations are designed to change you, and not the other way around. There is no point in resisting but to surrender and accept your situation. Once you learn to let go, it is easier to let the flow of life guide you to where you are supposed to be.

Life always has its ways of shaping you. 

Life is a continuous flow.

Monday, June 20, 2016

I Found My Way

"A Golden voice said to me
try to stand, don't try to flee
Oh, Oh..."

This song has been played on repeat for days.

In other news, I will be flying to Vancouver and Hong Kong next week! It will be 17 full days of non-stop travel. I will be meeting up with close friends and venturing to new places (aka Tofino). Look out for new travel blog entries.

And after all the hectic travelling, I will be moving to Costa Rica to teach full-time at an International School. Hopefully, this will give me space to grow as an Educator and Writer. You can't stop this gypsy from moving/travelling!

Also, you should visit my new website