Wednesday, May 4, 2016

An ode to God's Tenderness

The Earth is filled with God's kindness!
Breaths of life ignite nature's joyous morning rapture.
The dews of dawn -drops of silver over glades of green,
Glide down to nourish the dry thirsty ground.
Soft, soft bright light that meets the darkened soul of the night,
Buoyantly drive darkness to shyly retreat,
Behind the courtains of purple and orange bright.
And like a silent song, like a loud dream,
The earth and sky bespeaks of God's tenderness!
Like a Mother soothing her newborn babe,
Like a Father gently wrapping His arms
During His childs's hour of sorrow, brokeness and loss.

Saturn Return

Life has a funny way of kicking my (figurative) balls once in a while and remind me not to take myself seriously when things fall apart (Chinua Achebe, anyone?). I am currently experiencing a Saturn Return, which means that Saturn has returned to the same place in the sky that has itself occupied at the moment of my birth. Before you accuse me of being supersticious and believing in all that mumbo jumbo Astrology, I cannot find a more logical explanation behind of what is happening currently in my life.

The Universe is showing me some tough love.

Belief systems that I have previously held are put into question during this period of my life. I can see why so many Christians leave Church or abandon their faith in their late 20s or early 30s. Poignant idealism cannot solve life's major problems. And at this point, I have experienced a number of disappointments by Christians, specially those in the leadership position. I am taking some time to re-evaluate and reflect my whole faith/life experience. In other words, I am coming out as a non-religious Christian (oxymoron much?), which means that I am retaining my faith but I am more skeptical on man-made religious structures and norms.

Career: There may be a possibility that I will transition from a teaching career into a publishing career. Don't get me wrong, I like teaching but I love writing and editing.

Family Relations: I've come to accept that nobody is perfect and there will always be a degree of dysfuntionality in each family. Generally, people do not hurt out of maliciousness but are motivated by other personal reasons. All I can do is acknowledge the pain, forgive, set boundaries and move on. Why dwell in the pain? Why be nice to the person who mistreated you? Shessh, seriously you don't deserve that crap. Just move on.

Love Life: To love yourself remains imperative for a healthy love life and sane existence.

Beware of Narcissists: Ha. Ha. I have well learned my lesson. Don't fall in love with one, and if you do...run to the hills!

I am done with being "perfect": Let's face it, we are inherently flawed and broken as human beings. We all fart and we all make mistakes. I am done with striving for perfection (as opposed to the more religious and younger version of myself). I just want to be authentic and happy.

This Saturn Return has urged me to re-examine certain beliefs and goals in life. I often lay awake during dark hours trying to answer the question: Am I living out my purpose on earth? AM I? AM I? HNNGG. (Okay, don't stress about it).

Our late 20s is a tough season for most of us. And I totally understand why some people go into drug addictions or weight gain. Or why Britney Spears shaved her head in 2007. No judgment zone. You are allowed to go a little bit crazy...just remember to bounce back.

"Sometimes it's best to let things fall apart so better things can fall together." ---Marilyn Monroe

Saturday, April 16, 2016

María



Esta canción me recuerda de mis tardes en Oaxaca caminando hacia el Zócalo. ¡Cómo extraño esas tardes! Daría lo que fuera para vivir en Mexico.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

When God is silent


















When God is silent,
My whole heart stirs
In confounding motion.

Yet He seems absent,
Distant almost...
As my unanswered prayer stalls in still commotion.

Eli, Eli...Lama Sabactani.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Heaven-Haven

I have desired to go
Where springs not fail,
To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail,
And a few lilies blow.

And I have asked to be
Where no storms come,
Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,
And out of the swing of the sea.

----Gerald Manley Hopkins 

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

to the Great Dreamer

Draw me near,
O Great Dreamer.
Reveal the depths of Your thoughts,
Reveal the dreams You had for me,
Before the earth's frame was formed.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

December

December has been a busy month. I've been wrapping up projects and classes with my students. My students have been working on an entrepreneurship project in which they designed, marketed and sold their product to the school community.

I have also been busy attending rehearsals and concerts. My violin and musicianship have substantially improved and I'm so happy that I can play in 2 orchestras.

Life is good. God is good.











Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Longing for Home

"It is when he comes home that he recognizes most poignantly that he is, at a deep level of his being, homeless, and that whatever it is that is missing, he will spend the rest of his days longing for it and seeking to find it."

----Frederick Buechner

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Core Values

Spirituality
Truth
Compassion
Kindness
Acceptance
Honesty
Adventure
Friendship
Community

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

IBM

Today, I was invited to a Missionary Conference at a Baptist Church near Downtown San Salvador. Although the traffic was horrible and I was in a (sort of) cranky mood, God spoke directly to my heart. He reminded me the importance of following His example in loving the hurting, the broken and the marginalized. The sermon was heart-felt and sincere....not extensively elaborate. There was something that tugged my heart-strings: there is still so MUCH need in this world; so many people who need to know about Christ. So many people hurting and blind by all the lies from the enemy. And yet we as Christian tend to settle into shallow waters, shallow lives of comfort and mediocrity. God invites us into His boat to travel into the deep waters where we can sip and enjoy the depths of His wonders and mysteries.

I uttered a prayer later that night:

"Lord, lead me into the deep waters, although my feet may fail. Lead me where my heart truly belongs....to love those who are broken, lonely and hurting in this dark world."

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

A reflection



A lot of changes has happened these recent years that it's hard to imagine where I was 3 years ago. 

I am so thankful that I am no longer in a place where I felt drained and unhappy all the time. It's been taking me time to heal from all those bad experiences, but I give thanks to God that those memories and people are simply ghosts from the past. I don't want to be with them ever again. 

Sadly, most of my unpleasant experiences in life has been with religious people. 

Letting go of all that negative energy and bad experiences has been a challenge. But music has helped me through the process. 

Now I can breathe, and have the hope that God has the best prepared for me. 

From those experiences, I learned to discern, to establish healthy boundaries and to weed out toxic people. 

I also learned to be more selective with who do I let into my life; people who are positive, loving and whom I can have constructive conversations. People who genuinely care for my well-being and have no ulterior motives. 

I pray for more meaningful and loving relationships in my life.