Friday, March 27, 2015

[Beloved]

I will never forget the day we wandered around the prairie in Virginia. We embraced as the sun was setting and the birds were singing.

It's the little things about us that make my heart flutter. The way you hold me after a tiring day at work, the way you make me laugh at the silliest things and the way your heart beats when I lean my head upon your chest. You make me feel alive.

And I continue to fathom on what God has in store for us. I have lived more years during these past three months than the 7 years I spent in Canada and overseas. The love story that God has written for us has left me in a state of awe and surpassing peace. Our love is a perplexing mystery. 

You complete me. 


Conversations

"Ms Chang, I want to quit the Symphony after my first day."
"Why?"
"I was humiliated and I played alongside the younger kids. I felt bad."
"Let me tell you my story: I stopped playing the violin for three years when I first joined the Symphony. I was rusty and inexperienced compared to others. Like you I felt bad, but I didn't give up. I practiced and even went on tour to Washington DC. Growth starts outside of your comfort zone."
"Mhmmm."
"Do you like challenges?"
"No."
"Do you want to become a mediocre violinist?"
"No."
"Then, don't give up."
"Thanks, Ms Chang. I will take up the challenge."

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

The One who governs Dreams

"The One who governs dreams, and gives
Us everything we need, and lives
On ev’ry inch of ground we tread,
Will be with you. You will be led;
And lest you feel alone, he spoke
These words, ‘My soul will not revoke
The promise I have made. Go now."

------John Piper in Esther

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Dear M

Dear M,


I saw your father today. He came to the restaurant and ordered food. I barely recognized him...he looked much different since I last saw him in 2007, when he came to pick you up from German classes. His hair was grey, and he sighed for you.

I felt his pain.

We talked about you - about your wonderful way of living life, your smile, your accomplishments at such a young age. Even though we met briefly in life, you taught me so much with your joie de vivre attitude. The day I found out you passed away in a car accident, I cried on the bus.

I cried some more today after talking to your father. He reminded me so much of you.

The world misses you. God was gracious in creating a person like you.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Radically Transformed [and Amazed]

It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog. A lot of things have changed over the course of these past months.

My life has been deeply transformed by God's grace. He continues to [radically] amaze me with His love and blessing towards me. He has given me a full time job as a Secondary Teacher at a Christian School, a wonderful earthly beloved and beautiful friends. My understanding towards life and humanity has deepened as I experience an abundance of love from others.

Everyday, I hear God whisper to me: [[[You are so well-loved.]]]

No longer do I dwell in a legalistic Christian mind-set -on judging others or seeing the world as a place of right/wrong. Or wasting my energy complaining or worrying about my future. But rather, I have learned to embrace life and humanity as it is. I've learned to love freely and dearly towards those around me, specially my students. I feel more free, joyful and nourished by imitating and giving God's love towards others. 




Sunday, December 7, 2014

Words from the Beloved

[While I was meditating during the deep hours of the night]

"Will you let go of the past to embrace new beginnings?"

"Let go of them, because I have greater things ahead for you."

"Let go."

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Day of the Dead

Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos) is a pertaining tradition within the Chang Family. Ever since I was a child, I remember waking up early to visit the graves of my deceased relatives. This day carries a symbolic meaning to my family, since it's the only day of the year in which we honour our migrant ancestors who spent their entire lives sojourning for the livelihood of their families. 

It also happens to be one of those rare instances where members of my immediate family spend time together (we lead very busy lives). To be honest, nothing compares to the sight of your Asian dad pouring liquor over a deceased Salvadorean president's grave to celebrate the fact that "he was generous with us Chinese." Nor the sight of your Asian aunt getting jealous over her husband as he pours liquor over the grave of his 'almost girlfriend' while fondly reminiscing moments when they worked side by side back in Communist China.

Themes of transmigration, diaspora and identity came into my mind as we visited the different grave sites. As a child, I did not realize the importance of family oral tradition and honour. Yet as an adult, I know that these factors play an important part in my identity. 

Photos to commemorate our visit:





My Mexican Great-Grandmother's Inscription

Family's Tomb

A myriad of artifacts that represent bits & pieces of family history: a Spanish Church
A Chinese Pagoda, An Airplane.

Family Breakfast at the Pollo Campero in Metrosur

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Update on life

My sincere apologies for disappearing from the blogosphere, but life has been crazy busy! Here is an update of my current life situation.

Due to family and personal reasons, I decided to come back home (El Salvador) instead of taking a full-time teaching job in Mexico. August was a stressful month, but I give thanks to God that I took the best decision for my family and me.

Here are some highlights during my absence (September-October)

-My brother got married!
-I am playing at the Christian Symphony as a violinist after a 10-years hiatus. We had a concert last Friday.
-The Symphony will be going on tour in December in Washington DC! One of my close friends in Seattle will be joining us too.
-I got a part-time job as an English Teacher at a Language School. It's been a great learning experience so far. I am thankful for supportive colleagues and a friendly environment.
-I am taking intensive French lessons and I'm planning to become fluent during the next year and half.
-I am taking cooking classes and it's great fun.
-I started a food blog with my cousins. It's still under construction.

Please pray for:
-Emotional and spiritual healing after an unpleasant Church experience in Vancouver.
-I can find a new Church community where I can find love, encouragement and spiritual growth.
-Personal and professional growth.
-A full time teaching job for January - June 2015.

Hopefully, I will be writing more this month. Stay tuned!



Friday, September 5, 2014

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Letter to my Dad

亲爱的爸爸,
今年对我来说很不容易,我从来没有想过 那成熟的过程 也可以这么痛苦. 这是我很难用言语表达, 但在我内心谨记着你的话。 今年我辍学, 今年我分手了, 今年我失去了一个兄弟, 今年我从教会失去了我的朋友 并且在加拿大忍受了太多的寂寞 不过,我记得你的话 信仰 最重要的是信心 请耐心等待 我可能不会很成功 但我相信我在生活中有一个更高的目标 的宗旨,以造福他人 父亲,虽然我无法表达你的话 但我是那么爱你 你一直是在我身边的唯一 总是安慰我 总是在那里给我建议 你总是充满智慧 我很荣幸能有你做我的爸爸 你有这样一个伟大的心 我想像你一样 谢谢你养育我了 感谢您的支持与厚爱 感谢您对我的信任 我很感谢你对我这么多爱

[Kudos to my friend Xing who helped me translate this letter into Chinese]

Lessons

This year has been possibly the hardest year of my life, but it has also been a year of learning, beauty and growth.

-I finally gathered the courage to tell my parents how much I love them. I am afraid that I will miss the chance if I don't tell them.
-My heart has been broken, mended and broken again. All in all, I learned that I cannot love someone else unless I love myself first.
-I learned to ask for help. We all need it.
-I've learned to see the best in others.
-It's important to surround yourself with friends who fill you with positivity and laughter. And it's equally important to let go of people who harm you.
-Morality is fixed in this universe. Right is right. Wrong is wrong. It's futile to justify our mistakes or wrong thinking.
-Negative thinking takes as much time and energy as positive thinking. So why waste your energy when I can use it for better things?
-Things tend to go wrong when I don't plan and think ahead.
-As long as God is with me, there is always hope. Do not despair.
-I've learned to forgive, let go and move on.
-If I am not willing to change for my good, it's my loss.

Resilience

























Here is a post dedicated to one of the strongest woman I know.

A woman who has endured:
-The Cultural Revolution
-Moving into one of the most dangerous countries in the world
-Marriage and raising 2 children while running a business
-Cancer (x2)
-Hard work for her family.

Your smile and strength continue to be my inspiration.